Getting Married - When It Comes To Picking The Date

“When’s the date?”

That slowly became my least favorite question over the first 6 months of our engagement.  I felt like the excitement of our betrothal was being hampered by the growing uncertainty of how long Daniel’s unemployment, and, subsequently, our lack of a wedding date, would be.  I found the question more and more unhelpful as my impatience grew.  I found myself asking, “How much longer?  When can we finally set a date?  When can we finally get married?”  I might even go so far as to say that, for me, being asked, “When’s the date?” was as unhelpful as being asked, “Are you pregnant?” when I’m not.  Having a long tunnel with no end in sight discouraged my heart day by day.

When did asking a newly engaged couple for their wedding date become standard operating procedure?  I ask because I want to speak for those who find themselves in a similar position to mine – no date in sight due to circumstances beyond their control.  Not everyone has a date in mind the day they get engaged.  Picking a wedding date is a lot more involved than just saying, “Let’s get married on this day!”  There are several things that need to be factored in to the decision (unless, of course, there are time constraints or the option of eloping is on the table).  But I’m talking about for a family-oriented wedding ceremony & reception, where the venue availability is a big issue, as are scheduling conflicts that may arise in the wedding party participants’ lives.  Don’t forget that some couples are waiting on a job, or to finish school, or to save up money, or what have you.

I’ve tried very hard not to ask, “When’s the date?” (because of how being asked that affected me), especially when I don’t know the couple or what they’re going through in their relationship.  Please be sensitive, that’s all I’m saying.  The enthusiasm and excitement you feel for us is appreciated, don’t get me wrong.  But I wonder if it’s too much to ask that you let newly engaged couples announce their wedding date in their own time, of their own volition?  

That being said, we’ve changed our date (due to scheduling conflicts) to March 24, 2013.