I feel like this a lot of the time. I struggled with living behind a mask for a long time - all through my teen years. I lied a lot. I put on a fake smile. I hid my struggles. And it was hard. It was tiring. It was isolating. I couldn't figure out how to express myself. I couldn't figure out how to voice my opinions in a way that was healthy because I felt like no one listened. So I bottled things up, and let them stay bottled up, until I couldn't hold them in anymore.
When I was finally presented with the Gospel, I gave my life to Christ and turned my behavior around. I wasn't perfect, by any means, but I worked toward becoming more like Christ. However, as the years went by, I discovered I was still holding onto resentment and bitterness from the mistreatment and traumas I'd experienced. The toxic theologies, the brushing aside, the lack of understanding, and not being heard by those to whom I was trying to communicate my desires and concerns, particularly health care providers.
I've heard it said that "hurt people hurt people," and I'm sure that could be said of me to some degree. It seems my words and efforts to communicate come across in rude, presumptuous, and angry ways (which are not my intention!). But to honest, I don't KNOW HOW to communicate well. I'm not a good communicator. I'm a creative writer, not a public speaker. I was never taught how to communicate in a way that gets my point across without hurting feelings. (Debate and speech class don't count.) I just state facts, state opinions based on the Bible, and let people take it as they will. But that's not the best way to communicate.
After a stressful weekend of bickering amongst family and friends, I decided I wanted to do something to change the way I approach communication. So I bought this book as a first step. I'm not quite halfway through it, but I'm starting to see just how Verbal Judo might help me. I don't expect to get it right every time right after finishing the book, but I'll be working on it, little by little.
