Strength in Weakness

"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."  - 2 Corinthians 12:9

I used to be ashamed of my weakness, to mask my struggles with a happy face.  I thought putting on a brave face was the best way to make sure my burdens were only shouldered by me.  No one else needed to be weighed down by them.  They were mine to bear, mine alone.  

Except they weren't.

They aren't.  They're too much for me, even now.  

I am weak, and I'm not ashamed to admit it.  

Weakness is not bad.  Weakness is normal.  Weakness is being human - at least, in this fallen world, it is.  In the next life, when we are perfect, our weaknesses will be no more.  But for now, they are present.  

And God's grace is enough to see us through all the weaknesses we have. 

Truth be told, I've been feeling particularly weak lately.  The past few months that I've been struggling with my blood sugars have been really weighing me down.  Between feeling like I've been failing to take care of myself and struggling to stay on top of all of my other responsibilities, I've realized just how hard I've been on myself.  

I blamed myself when my blood sugars roller-coastered out of control - but it wasn't my fault.  It wasn't my fault that my thyroid prescription was changed, and ultimately skewed my hard work.  

I'm so blessed to have a husband who is willing to share my burdens, and can see things about me that I can't see.  Last night when I was feeling particularly down, he reminded me of what my holistic doctor said at my last visit when he was going over my thyroid results.  He said, "I'm surprised that you're still awake and functioning with lab results like these.  It's a testament to how strong you are."

Strong?  I've been feeling like a failure, and yet somehow I'm being called strong.  
Because I pushed through when my body wasn't functioning right?  
Because I have stuck to my guns, I've got grit?  
Because I haven't stopped eating low carb, even though I'm discouraged and feel like I'm on a low carb roller coaster?
Because I haven't given up on taking care of myself, even though it feels like I still can't get things right sometimes?

Strength isn't just a matter of physical power.  It's not just about muscles.  It's about determination.  It's about will-power.  It's about spirit.  It's about resolve.  It's about surrendering yourself.  It's about resting in God's grace to get you through when you're too weak to carry on.  It's about not doing things in your own strength, because we are nothing without God.  We can't live, we can't breathe, without Him holding us up.  The only way I see that I've been strong is by trusting in God's power to see me through every moment of every day.  My physical body is broken, weak, barely functioning.  He's the only thing that's been keeping me going.

And I'm okay to be weak if He is my strength.  His strength is the only strength I need.  It is sufficient for me.  More than sufficient.  

Don't be afraid, little lamb.  The Good Shepherd will protect you and guide you beside still waters.  He will comfort you and lead you on paths of righteousness, for His name's sake.  Goodness and mercy will follow you all the days of your life, and you'll dwell in the house of the Lord forever.