My Personal Goals

Since my next appointment is on August 28 at 3pm, I figured it would be a good idea to set some goals to meet by then.  I have 33 days from now.

By August 28, I am going to try to get my A1C down into the 10% range.  My A1C in May was 11.1%, so anything in the 10% range would be an improvement.  

My big goal after that is to get my A1C down to 7% by December 31, 2014 (year’s end).  That puts me at a little over 1% per month.  I will accomplish this in several ways:

• Stay on top of correcting high blood sugars and giving accurate food boluses.

• Use the Dexcom (whenever I get it) to track my blood sugar patterns and trajectories. 

• Use my secret weapon – namely, GC Control from Melaleuca – whenever I am able to order it.  
  
  

I think blogging about these goals and my progress will help me stay accountable and diligent.  If you are a diabetic, I hope I can help you in some way.  Likewise, I would appreciate help from you!  Thank you for joining me on my journey!

Carb-counting and Insulin Pump Therapy

Today, I met with an RN at my endo's office to discuss carb-counting and insulin pump therapy.

They also weighed me and I've lost 4 pounds since my appointment 2 weeks ago. I was happy to hear that, even if they thought it wasn't necessary. Anyway.

Apparently I've been miscalculating carbs in fruits and rice & potatoes (meh) so after she gave me a carb-counting sheet, we started discussing insulin pumps. She gave me three brochures on some new insulin pumps that she recommends and showed me some of their demo models. I'm not sure which one I'd choose at this point, but two of them might be compatible with my Dexcom in a few years.

One is called the Tandem t:slim and it's a touch screen with a rechargeable battery.
Another is the Medtronic MiniMed 530G and it has its own blood sugar sensor (like the Dexcom) and is really user friendly.
The third is the OneTouch Ping by Animas, and it's apparently "tubeless," meaning there's no tubing connecting the pump to the infusion site.

I'm going to have to look over the brochures more to see which one might be good for me. I'm still on the fence about it.

Starting on the Journey - Diabetes

I had an appointment with my new endocrinologist (diabetes doctor) and nurse practitioner this morning.  After my in-office blood sugar (169 mg/dl) and vitals were taken (turns out I’m 5’ 11 3/4”!) and the nurse went through the standard medical history questions, Carrie, my nurse practitioner, came in and asked about my diabetes care routine.  She then checked my feet, pulse, and lungs/heartbeat.  

After that, she told me about some new medicines that were on the market that some Type 1 Diabetics use to control their blood sugar and asked if I’d ever been on an insulin pump.  I told her I had, several years ago, and that I preferred being “unhooked” from a pump with tubing, especially since my old endocrinologist had told me that being on a pump with my lack of discipline was dangerous for my health (when Dr. Bussey heard this, he said that was a bunch of malarkey).  

I told her about my desperate need for the Dexcom G4 Platinum Continuous Glucose Monitoring System, and she confirmed that it was a good system with the highest accuracy available.  She looked over my blood sugar numbers from the past few weeks (which they had downloaded from my glucometer), asked me some questions about them, and gave me an informational packet about the Dexcom.  She then left the room to get Dr. Bussey, the endo.  

When they both returned, Dr. Bussey made some suggestions for adjusting my insulin doses.  He said since my numbers were still running high that I should increase my overnight basal insulin by 2 units, adjust my insulin-to-carb ratio (changing it from 1 unit per 12 grams to 1 unit per 9 grams), and changing my correction factor from 60 points over 120 to 50 points over 120.

We then discussed my plans for the future regarding children.  I told him we were thinking not for another year or two down the road, especially since my numbers are so high and our finances aren't quite where they need to be.  Dr. Bussey told me that the best A1c during pregnancy is about 5 (but 6 or 7 was okay) and that the most precise way to maintain that much control for a pregnant Type 1 Diabetic would come from being on an insulin pump – however, it was not required.  I’m still undecided on the matter.  I know I at least want a Dexcom.    

My current A1c is 11% (average blood sugar of 269) – so I balked a little.  A chart on the wall across from me said that an A1c of 7% equates to an average blood sugar of 154.  6% = 126.  The lowest I remember my A1c ever being is about 9 (212 mg/dl)…5, 6, and 7 all seem so hard (nay, impossible) to achieve!  However, he assured me that getting my A1c down that low IS possible and they are going to keep me accountable as I work to get my numbers down, down, down.  They told me they wanted me to come back in 2 weeks to go over carb counting (although they are sure I know what to do) and insulin pump therapy information.  I’ll then come back at the end of August for fasting labs.

Before I left, they had me do some lab work for them (a quick and painless blood draw).  I left feeling encouraged but also a little daunted.  I know I have a lot of work ahead of me, but I hope that having a team of people who are committed to seeing me improve my health will give me the motivation I need to succeed.  Obviously the core determination has to come from my desire to prepare the best I can for the future.  I know that with God’s help, all things are possible – even the things that seem impossible.                                  

Synchronized Fireflies

Photinus carolinus, or synchronized fireflies, are one of 19 species of fireflies in the Great Smoky Mountains that perform a rare mating ritual that attracts people from all over the world. 

On Wednesday, my hubby and I met up with my mom and siblings and some friends from church and drove up to the mountains to view this dazzling light show.  We were in for a special treat as our guide had a campsite reservation – we parked there and made s’mores until it was dark enough to hike a little ways up to the spot where the fireflies were performing.  After pushing past the crowd, we set up our camp chairs and blankets and watched the lightning bugs light up the forest on both sides of the path. 

If you’ve never seen them, here’s how it works – the fireflies light up together for a little while, making the forest seem to be dotted in blinking, moving Christmas lights.  Then, all at the same time, they stop blinking and the forest goes dark.  A few seconds later, they start blinking again.  It really is so cool to see!  It's not something that you can really videotape or photograph very well.  You just have to be there! 

Our guide told us that the females don’t have wings, so they stay in the grass while the males fly around and try to attract them.  I never knew that about lightning bugs! 

Around 10:15pm, lightning started flashing in the sky above us.  We’d been warned about a potential storm rolling through, so we packed up our stuff, headed back to the campsite, and loaded up the vans.  On the way down the mountain, it started pouring!  We were so glad that the rain held off for us!

If you ever want to see synchronized fireflies, there are only two places in the world you can go to see them:  the Great Smoky Mountains, and Southeast Asia.

The Art of Apologizing

An "I'm sorry IF I did something wrong" apology is shallow. 
An apology with no repentance is heartbreaking.

Have you ever received one of these apologies from someone? They don't feel very good, do they? Sometimes I think it'd be better to not receive an apology at all.

"I'm sorry IF I did something wrong" - the apologizer doesn't really know the extent of their fault, and they are not fully taking responsibility for their actions. This type of apology acts as a bandaid - attempting to cover over the wrong or hurtful action but not attempting to go any deeper. It's a shallow sugarcoat that is pretty lame.

The apology with no repentance may be made genuinely, but then the apologizer goes and does the same hurtful action in the future with no desire to change or mend their ways. The pattern is repeated numerous times in a vicious cycle. It is worse when this takes place between two people who are very close.

I read an article about a teacher who instructed her students in how they should apologize to each other and I really have to commend her for her efforts to instill this important skill in her pupils. Apologizing with genuine repentance is crucial - it is my opinion that almost NO ONE knows how to apologize anymore! Genuine grief over wrongdoings is going out the window. No one cares to make real peace anymore.

Here's how that teacher taught her students to apologize:
1. Say "I apologize for...." (give specific example - taking that toy from you, being impatient in line, saying "You're ugly." etc)
This tells the other person that you fully recognize what you did and that it was wrong or hurtful.

2. Say "That was wrong of me because..." (again, give specific reason - "it's not nice to take things without asking, I need to wait my turn, that was mean to say and it would've hurt my feelings to be told that.")
This shows the other person that you recognize their hurt feelings and that you sympathize with them.

3. Say "In the future I will..." (give specific example of how you will change - "ask politely for something I want, not be impatient, hold my tongue when I feel like saying something mean.")
This promises the other person that you want to avoid making the same transgression against them in the future.

4. Ask for forgiveness. "Will you forgive me?" invites them to offer you forgiveness without demanding it.

I would like to teach my children to apologize this way. I would also like to start using this method myself and implementing it in my daily life. What about you? Will you learn the art of apologizing with me?

Dear Aurora

Dear Aurora,                                               March 7, 2014

Tonight, while I was knitting, your Daddy came in and asked what I was making.   

“A scarf?” he asked.  He loves scarves!
“Nope,” I grinned.
“A sweater?”
“Nope.”
“Socks?”
“Nope.”
“Gloves?”
“Nope.”  He’s not very good at guessing, is he?  Heehee.
“I give up.”
“A blanket,” I told him.  “I hope she likes it.”  (Isn't it pretty, pink and blue and purple?  All different colors, like an aurora in the sky.) 
“She?  Is there something you need to tell me?”
I giggled, knowing he would say something like that.  Ever since I’ve joked around about being pregnant, he’s been on high alert.  “No, silly.  I knew you would think that.  I’m just knitting this for Aurora because I can…and because I want to.”

My darling daughter, whenever God decides to bring you into our lives, I want you to know something.  Right now, as I write this, you have not even been conceived yet.  But, your Daddy and I have already picked out your name, and we are already looking forward to having you in our lives.  You are already precious to us.  You are already loved by us. 

I can only imagine that this is sort of what it was like for God before He created the world and us in it.  In the book of Jeremiah, God tells us that “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you.”  He knows everything about you.  He knows how many hairs you will have on your head, what color your eyes will be, what sorts of things you will like and dislike, even what every single day of your life will be like because He has already numbered them all for you.

God knows you and loves you more personally and intimately than anyone ever will…even more than your Daddy and me.  We hope and pray that as you get older you come to know how precious you truly are to Him and to us, and how much we desire to see you grow into a beautiful woman of God.

With love now and forever,
Mommy         

The Eyes

A match was struck.
A light in the darkness
To illuminate the fears
That haunted her past.

Something lurked nearby.
She tripped on a shadow.
Two eyes gleamed
In the candlelight.

She stifled her scream
With the lump in her throat.
"No," she wanted to say.
"You won't hurt me."

The eyes remained
As the shadows danced.
Could it be that the eyes
Belonged to fear itself?

The candlelight fizzed
And darkness enveloped
The girl in salvation.
The eyes couldn't hurt her.
February 27, 2014

~RDP copyright.

Made by Love, with Love, for Love

In light of the upcoming debate between Bill Nye and Ken Ham, I’d like to use this post to re-share some thoughts that God placed on my mind.  

 

This morning, I was daydreaming, as I like to do, when I was struck by this epiphany: “Made by Love, with Love, for Love.”  As I thought about it more, I realized that the whole of our existence is summed up by this little phrase.  The more I meditated on it, the warmer and fuzzier and happier I felt inside. 

1)  We were made by Love – Love Himself created us: “God is love” (1 John 4:16), and “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them” (Gen. 1:27)!  Can you imagine it?  You yourself were thought out, crafted, formed, and set apart from everyone else on earth by the very hands of Love. 

2)  We were made with Love – “I am fearfully and wonderfully made” (Ps. 139:14).  In this verse, the word “fearfully” in Hebrew translates to “with great reverence, heart-felt interest, respect.”  This carries very much the same meaning as when we say, “Fear the Lord.”  It does not mean that we are afraid of Him; rather that we are in awe and have great reverence for who He is.  The word “wonderfully” means just that: “unique, set apart, marvelous.”

 

3)  We were made for Love – to love God and others (Luke 10:27); to be loved by Him, and to bring Him pleasure, for His glory.  We were made not to love ourselves and our empty passions but to love the One who made us, who is worthy of all our love and praise and worship.  We were made for His good pleasure – not that we are toys or objects of amusement; rather, that we were made to be in union with Him, in a relationship, and He desires for us to do so willingly, out of our love and thankfulness and reverence for Him, our Creator.        

Ladies and gentlemen, I say all this to encourage you and point you toward what truly matters:  Your beauty and worth in and to Christ.

Let me just clarify –

I didn’t always believe I was beautiful or worth anything.  In fact, for a long time, I believed the exact opposite – that I was worthless and ugly.

But God. 
But God pursued me.  Had He not, I would still be where I was.  “[I] love because He first loved [me].” (1 John 4:19)  And we can only love because He first loved us.        

For those of you who doubt or have yet to realize just how precious your life is, these truths are especially for you.

1)       Your life is a gift. 
God didn’t have to create you but He chose to out of love.  Every breath you take is a gift from Him.  “Then the Lord God formed the man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living creature.”  (Genesis 2:7) 

  

2)    Your life is unique.
You are the only you that there will ever be.  You are uniquely set apart for His glory and special purposes.  “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”  (Jeremiah 29:11) 

3)    Your life is worth Christ’s.
Christ died to save you from your sins.  We have no hope, no life, apart from Him.  “For God so loved the world, that He gave His Only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life.”  (John 3:16)

To deny that there is any beauty in the world is to deny the handiwork of a Master Creator, deny the miracle of your own existence, and deny that your life has any purpose.

I am blessed beyond measure by God.  I have a family who loves me, friends who care for me, and an adoring man who treasures me for and helped me see the gift that I am.  That is more than I deserve, and more than I could’ve asked for.  

10 Things To Know About Me

1.  I don't believe aliens/extraterrestrials exist.

2.  I don't believe the world is older than 10,000 years.

3.  I don't believe in evolution or the big bang.  

4.  I don't believe life happened (or happens) by chance.  

5.  I don't believe abortion is right, under any circumstance.  

6.  I don't believe in superstitions, luck, random chance, or coincidence.

7.  I don't believe Christ followers should drink, smoke, or use drugs or foul language.

8.  I don't believe ghosts exist, although I do believe that demons could be responsible for what most people consider "ghostly" or paranormal activity.

9.  I don't believe you can live a homosexual lifestyle and be a Christ follower.

10.  I don't believe that dreams come true without diligence.

What Made Me Smile (Again) This Week

This week was my youngest brother Ben's birthday and, while I was writing a birthday message to him, I remembered the instance back in December that not only made me smile but I know must have made Jesus smile, too.  

I was at church helping the cast and crew of the Christmas play by painting a town scene for the backdrop of the set.  As I stood with my back to the kids (my 4 little siblings included) who had made half of the room their playground while the grown ups rehearsed and worked on more set details, I was privileged to overhear their conversation.  

Ben had brought a huge box of his toys (mostly cars) with him and two of his little friends were oohing and aahing over them.  "We're collecting old cars," one of them said.  I heard them dig through the box and then -CRASH - they dumped them all out on the floor.  I kept painting.

"Ooh, this one's cool," the other one said.

"You can have it," Ben replied.

"What about this one?" 

"You can have it," Ben said again.

The boys kept pulling out cars and talking about them.  Then Ben was asked about another car.  His response was slightly different but it melted my heart.

"I love that one...but you can have it."  (Italics for emphasis)

To hear a little boy so willing to give away one of his beloved toys so quickly, so easily, and without a second thought is so rare.  Usually my ears hear the all too familiar words, "That's mine!" and "No, you can't have that!"  Even some grown ups are so selfish and that selfishness is sinful human nature.  We are born with it.  We don't know how to be loving, how to be selfless, apart from God because God is love.  

For Ben to be so selfless with something he loves is of God.

And that, my friends, makes me happier than a smile can express.

eBook and PDF copies of The Darkest Years Volume 1

I have made an eBook version of The Darkest Years Volume 1 and it is currently on sale in my Blurb.com bookstore, here. 

As an eBook, it is only available on the iBooks app and is only viewable on Apple iPads, iPhones, and iPods. (Sorry, no Kindle editions yet!  I was disappointed, too!)  You will need iOS 7.0 or later to download the app.


There is, however, a PDF version that you can purchase and download as well, AND you can open it in Kindle!

Print copy $11.99

eBook copy $9.99

PDF copy $9.98

--> My Bookstore